Hey everyone,
This is Tannaz Hosseinpour and welcome to a new episode of Minutes on Growth. With valentines day right around the corner, I thought it would be fitting to talk about relationships. Prior to my current relationship, I was in an unhealthy relationship for more than 2 years. Despite his, having an abusive temper, I constantly found myself making up excuses for his behavior and trying to rationalize it all.
I kept reading relationship books by different authors, ranging from a psychological point of view to a spiritual perspective. I strongly believe that everyone enters our life to teach us a lesson about ourselves and until we learn why the situation will not change. I knew that my parent’s separation played a major role in my inability to walk away, but i somehow was unable to apply my findings to my situation.
So as always, i sought the help of my spiritual advisor, and he gave me one of the best advice I have ever received. He said, “Treat your relationship with the same principles you would use at work; it is important to have a list of deal breakers and to hire late and fire quickly” He further explained that at the beginning of a relationship, we tend to look past the red flags as we’re so mesmerized with the idea of us two being together. This euphoric feeling of lust, alongside society’s never-ending pressure to be in a relationship, causes us to hire someone quickly into our lives. As time passes by and that initial excitement fades, we start to notice the red flags, but at this moment we’re already feeling the sense of attachment and therefore hesitate in firing them. We end up feeling stuck. We pity ourselves and nag about how unfortunate and unlucky we are that we always end up with the bad ones.
But what if we were able to reverse that cycle? First, write down a list of deal breakers or boundaries and actually honor them. To take our time in allowing someone to enter our lives, and once they’re in, to still be aware that if at any moment, those boundaries are broken, we’re able to quickly fire them. Everyone’s list varies. For me it was important for my partner to be extremely kind and philanthropic, to have a great sense of humor, and to not be overprotective. So when I started dating again, I would immediately pull out my mental checklist. I wanted to protect my energy and space, and I wasn’t willing to sacrifice my peace of mind for temporary companionship, and time after countless dates I found a partner who fulfilled my checklist and whose checklist I fulfilled. All boundaries are maintained, and we have the utmost respect for one another.
Nevertheless, I always tell him that I hope we continue to be in each other’s lives for as long as our souls are in harmony with one another. I have trained myself to let go of everything and everyone that damages my soul’s peace, the same way I would let go of any employee that would damage my business. It’s not easy but it has to be done. So my advice is to treat your space with love and respect, to avoid rash and quick love decisions, and to never silence your gut instinct, regardless of how promising an image can be modeled to look at first.
I hope your day is filled with endless love today and every day. Thank you for listening. Talk to you soon.
Love & Light, Tannaz Hosseinpour